


Please forgive me, again.

by SecondAngels



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, Cannibalism?, M/M, lil bit of fluff, mention of Kaneki?, spoilers for :re I think, there's puke, tsukikana week!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-08
Updated: 2015-04-08
Packaged: 2018-03-21 23:34:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3707497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SecondAngels/pseuds/SecondAngels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Taking care of Tsukiyama in his current state can be hard, but Kanae manages.</p>
<p>Written for Tsukikana week 2015!<br/>April 7 – Purple Hyacinth: “I am sorry, please forgive me,” sorrow</p>
            </blockquote>





	Please forgive me, again.

Kanae knocked softly on the door before letting himself in. “Master Shuu,” he said in a gentle voice, “I’ve made dinner for you.”

The young Tsukiyama didn’t acknowledge him, which was no surprise. He was laying down, wrapped up in sheets and comforters facing the wall.

“Maaaster,” Kanae cooed. He balanced a plate of fresh human meat on his hand as he approached him. “I know you haven’t been hungry lately, so I arranged an assortment of your favorites to see if we can’t spark your appetite.”

Arranged on the plate were a variety of human pieces; a calf muscle, an eyeball, a bicep filleted delicately, among other things. In Kanae’s other hand were a napkin and silverware.

He set the dish and utensils on the nightstand next to his master’s bed, and approached the bundle of blankets. He probably wouldn’t even know the man was in there, if it weren’t for the top of his messy hair poking out.

Seeing the man he admired so much in such a state hurt Kanae’s heart. The servant smiled sadly, silently vowing to do anything within his power to make Shuu feel better.

Kanae touched the man’s shoulder through the blanket, keeping his touch light to keep from startling him. “Master Shuu, are you awake?”

The bundle of blankets shifted in response.

Kanae smiled again. “Well hello!” It was always a treat when he was actually awake. It was comforting to Kanae that his master would actually hear his words, and occasionally he would even get a spoken response. “Are you hungry, master?”

The blankets shifted again as Tsukiyama rolled onto his back underneath them; his bloodshot, baggy eyes peeking out from the top. The man made no effort to try to speak.

“Hm?” the servant gestured to the food on the nightstand, smiling sweetly and pretending not to be bothered by his master’s terrible condition. “Take your time. If your meal gets cold, I can heat it back up for you if you’d like.”

Shuu shut his eyes and exhaled loudly, wiggling uncomfortably under the covers. He gave up moving after a few seconds, hollow eyes peering emotionlessly back up at the violet haired boy.

“Oh,” Kanae was almost fighting back tears, it was so hard to watch. However, he put on a brave face and continued. “May I?”

Kanae pulled down the blankets one by one to Shuu’s thighs, revealing the silky purple pajamas he was dressed in. The man looked like he was overheating; his unkempt hair was sticking to his face, and he had darkened sweat spots on his chest and sides. The servant frowned.

“Master Shuu, you could have called for me if you were too hot under all of that.” Kanae gently brushed the damp hair from Shuu’s face. “Can you sit up?” He didn’t know why he even asked, because his master couldn’t sit up by himself if he tried. “I’ll help you.” The younger man slid his forearm under Shuu’s neck, sliding his other arm under his thighs and scooting him up. He quickly arranged the pillows behind his back and head to keep him comfortable.

Tsukiyama responded by looking at the meat on the table next to him.

The servant picked up the cloth napkin and tucked it into the top of Shuu’s sleepshirt. He slowly sat down on the edge of the bed with plate in lap, careful not to disturb his master’s legs, and picked a tiny piece of muscle up with the fork. He brought it up to the man’s lips, who opened his mouth without protest. Kanae was beaming as his master took the meat into his mouth; he didn’t even mind that he swallowed without chewing, because at least he was eating. However, the tiny piece wouldn’t help his condition much.

“Was that good? You must be starving,” the servant encouraged proudly. Most of the time, either Shuu wouldn’t wake up or wouldn’t open his mouth for food. Getting this far was a real accomplishment.

Kanae picked up a slightly bigger piece of meat and brought it to Tsukiyama’s mouth once again. This time, he bit into it.

His kakugan slowly spread across his sunken eyes, and he chewed the meat a couple of times. He quickly looked away and swallowed loudly, lip quivering as he looked back to his servant.

“Wh-what’s wrong, master Shuu? The taste wasn’t to your liking?”

The man gagged softly, startling Kanae and causing him to jump up as his master threw up on himself. The plate clattered to the floor, throwing meat everywhere. Tsukiyama looked up at his servant, drooling profusely with watery black and red eyes.

Kanae yelped in horror, unable to hold his tears back as they spilled from his eyes.

“S-Sh-uu! I-” The violet haired servant wiped his eyes quickly, pretending it hadn’t happened. “O-oh, that’s my fault for trying to feed you too quickly. Let’s get you cleaned up.” Kanae ran into Shuu’s private bathroom attached to his room, grabbing a few wet washcloths and the hamper. He quickly made his way back to Tsukiyama, who hadn’t moved, and wiped his face with a washcloth.

He removed the napkin, which had taken most of the vomit, and carefully dropped it into the laundry basket. He then went to work unbuttoning his master’s shirt, sliding it down his shoulders and removing it.

Kanae grimaced. Tsukiyama had gotten so thin from not eating, the flesh between his collarbones and ribs were sunken in. His belly was swollen from the irritation of it being empty for so long. It was a terrifying, sad sight.

Kanae realized he had froze, and his master was looking at him sadly. He continued to throw the shirt into the basket, and again wiped Shuu’s face. He wiped under his chin and down his neck and chest, making sure his master was spotless.

“L-looks like your pants and bed are alright,” the young man choked out in a forced-cheerful tone, throwing the washcloth into the basket and crouching down to pick up the scattered food from the floor. He placed the dish back onto the nightstand. “Let me get you a new shirt so you don’t get co..l…..d…..” he trailed off as Shuu began to sniffle and whine.

“K-Ka…..Kan……” the young master whimpered, his voice raspy.

Kanae ignored the whines and turned to get a new shirt from his master’s dresser. He had really hoped Shuu wouldn’t do this. If he had to listen to him cry for Kaneki one more time, he would absolutely lose it. He started to sniffle himself, picking a soft blue shirt out from the drawer in front of him.

He composed himself as he turned back around. His master had somehow swung his legs over the edge of the bed and was sitting. His frail chest heaved as he cried. “Ka…”

“Shh, shh, don’t cry,” Kanae said softly, wiping his master’s falling tears away, silently fighting back tears of his own. This wouldn’t be the first time he cried about that man. Actually, he was the only thing he ever cried about. The servant clenched his jaw. All that man did was hurt his beloved master, and continued to do so even after his disappearance. He started to shake with anger and sadness as he continued wiping his master’s tears with his thumbs. “L-lift up your arms so I can get your shirt on.” His voice broke.

He slid the soft blue fabric down Shuu’s thin arms and over his head, pulling it down onto his torso. “There, would you like me to help you back into bed?”

Tsukiyama looked up at Kanae as he continued to cry, reaching out and taking handfuls of his servant’s shirt. The man was hyperventilating now, whining sporadically as he tried to pull himself up on the front of Kanae’s shirt.

The younger man was shocked at his master’s sudden behavior, and that he was actually pulling the servant down instead of pulling himself up. His mouth hung open as he froze once more.

“M-m-mast-ter p-please calm down,” he stuttered. The older man stopped tugging on him, but didn’t let go of his shirt. “I-I’ll help you get up, o-okay?”

He hesitantly leaned down, sliding his hands under Shuu’s arms and lifting him into a standing position.

He stood on his own for a split second before stumbling forward into his servant’s arms. “Kan..!”

Kanae broke. He wrapped his arms tightly around his master’s waist, sobbing shamelessly into the shoulder of the man’s new shirt. “Please,” he smiled into the fabric, “please, I’m begging you, don’t do this to me. Not again. I can’t take it.” What a terrible servant he was.

Tsukiyama wailed as he held his servant as tight against him as he could. He shook his head, trying to speak, but all that came out were sobs. He continued shaking his head.

The shorter man continued holding him up, rubbing his back in little circles. “Just breathe. You’re ok.” He wanted to comfort the man, dry his tears, take away all his pain, erase that awful person from his memories, but he didn’t know how. He continued holding him, crying softly, as the man began to calm down. His breathing was still erratic, but he wasn’t heaving so hard anymore.

“Ka..” He lowered his head to Kanae’s shoulder, pressing his face to the younger man’s neck. “Ka..nae…”

The servant’s breath caught in his throat. His master hadn’t said his name in months, or maybe a year. He couldn’t stop his tears from flowing as he held onto Tsukiyama with everything he had.

“Kan…ae, I-I’m…” He shook his head wildly. “I-I-I’m,” his voice was so raspy from being unused, the words burned his throat.

Kanae shushed him. “Don’t hurt yourself. You don’t have to speak, I understand.” He was overcome with emotion, just hearing his name was enough to turn his tears of sorrow into happy ones. Shuu continued shaking his head.

“Kanae…” he choked. His voice was barely audible. “I’m s-so-o-o s-sorry for h-hu-rting you l-like this.” He took a few deep breaths, slowing his sobs down to sighs. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. Thank you.”

Tsukiyama raised his head, and kissed Kanae on the forehead.

**Author's Note:**

> Phew! I finally got an AO3 account, maybe this will inspire me to write more lame TG fanfics ^u^; Hopefully this isn't too terrible, I haven't written in forever. I wish every week was TsukiKana week.   
> (I actually got the title from There For You by Flyleaf, heh)  
> Reposted from Tumblr!!


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